Don't Wait to Lose Weight to Start Living

It's the beginning of July. The weather is hot, pools are open, family vacations are planned, and beach towels come out of the closet. For many people, instead of excitement, this time of year brings anxiety—not because of the events themselves, but because of what they'll have to wear.

I've had clients tell me they're considering skipping swimming altogether because they don't have a bathing suit that feels comfortable. One client is preparing to visit family she hasn't seen since before the pandemic. In those six years she's gained weight, and she's terrified that the first thing they'll notice is her body. She's thought about staying in a summer dress instead of getting in the water, making some excuse so she can avoid feeling exposed. Before the trip has even begun, she's already carrying a tremendous amount of stress.

I understand those feelings because I've lived them too. I remember trying on outfit after outfit before leaving the house, convinced that nothing looked right. I'd choose clothes that weren't really my style simply because they hid the parts of me I was ashamed to show. Even after I finally walked out the door, I wasn't free. I spent the entire event wondering how I looked, whether people noticed my stomach rolls, or whether I should stand differently. Looking back now, I can see how much of my attention was stolen by those thoughts.

If I could go back and talk to that version of myself, I wouldn't tell her she needed to lose weight first. I'd tell her she deserved to enjoy her life exactly as she was. Because your body should never become the price of admission to your own life.

So how do we begin to feel more present in our lives, even when we don't feel great about our bodies? It starts with changing the way we think. 

One of the biggest lies our minds tell us is that everyone is looking at us. The truth is that most people are thinking about themselves. They're wondering how they look, adjusting their own bathing suit, or hoping no one notices the weight they've gained. We all tend to assume we're being watched, when in reality most people are busy worrying about themselves.

If someone does judge you, that judgment usually says far more about their own insecurity than it does about your body. Judgment is often shame in disguise. It reflects what's happening inside them, not your worth.

It can be helpful to think about someone you've met who seemed completely comfortable in their own skin. Maybe they weren't thin or conventionally attractive, but they smiled easily, laughed often, and showed genuine curiosity about the people around them. They weren't consumed with monitoring themselves. They were simply present. That's what people remember. Authenticity. Confidence. Self-acceptance. Those qualities draw people in far more than a particular body size ever could.

Every time we avoid something because of our body, we give up more than the activity itself. We miss the cool feeling of jumping into a lake on a hot afternoon. We miss conversations around the pool, laughing with our kids, spontaneous moments with friends, and memories that we'll treasure years from now. The cost of hiding isn't simply missing a swim. It's missing pieces of our own life.

Small practices that can make a big difference 

When you're getting ready to leave the house, try a different set of questions to determine what to wear. Instead of asking, How do I look?, ask yourself, Is this comfortable? Does it allow me to do what I want to do today? Do I like the colors, the fabric, and how it feels on my body? If the answer is yes, let that be enough.

As you're out, gently bring your attention back to the experience rather than your appearance. Notice the sunshine on your skin. Notice the coolness of the water. Notice the conversation you're having or the laughter around you. The more you anchor yourself in the moment, the less space shame has to occupy your mind.

It can also help to stop scrutinizing yourself for a while. If you find yourself constantly checking mirrors or worrying about how you'll look in photos, consider giving yourself a break. Set a boundary around how much time you’ll look in a mirror. Look once, say “this works!,” step away, head out the door. 

One practice I often suggest is to imagine your best friend standing where you are. If she had gained weight, would you tell her she shouldn't wear a bathing suit? Would you tell her to skip family vacations or avoid being in photos? Would you tell her she doesn't deserve connection, joy, or fun until she loses twenty pounds?

Of course not.

You would remind her that she deserves to participate in life exactly as she is. That she deserves meaningful relationships, beautiful experiences, and moments of joy regardless of what she weighs.

You deserve those things too.

And if today it still feels like too much to wear the bathing suit or jump into the water, that's okay too. You don't have to force yourself. Honor what feels manageable. Maybe today you wear the cover-up. Maybe you dip your feet in the water. Maybe you simply show up. Small acts of courage count.

The goal isn't to love your body every minute of every day. The goal is to stop letting shame about your body decide whether you get to fully live your life. You may still want to lose weight, but that doesn't mean you have to wait until it happens to join in. Ironically, when we stop waiting for a different body before allowing ourselves to fully participate in life, we often begin building the very self-trust that makes lasting change possible.